Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
