Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
