I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
