Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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