dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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