lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
