i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Two words: blizzard sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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