So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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