Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
