Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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