i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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