For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
