My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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