we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
