So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
