unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
