Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
