Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize