pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This baby is an asshole
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize