i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize