someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
