This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
