My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize