Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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