I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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