Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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