honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My hand turned me down
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
