I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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