i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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