some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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