Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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