dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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