I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dignity is for republicans.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize