You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
