Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
