I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize