I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
