I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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