guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
