i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
