i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
