Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
