Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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