you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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