Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize