That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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