Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
