mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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