Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize