My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
