just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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