it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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