I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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