This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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