I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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