Already got asked if we're dating
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
