I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
