I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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