Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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