dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
