I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize