Well apparently he's into motor boating.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
